Why you should definitely have three kids!

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I never considered NOT having three kids, so I am most definitely not a neutral party in the discussion, but I am here today to tell you why having three is a wonderful idea anyway!

I’d like to start by pushing back on some of the fodder in the blogosphere around why having three kids is too hard. Here are some of my favorites.

1. If you have three, one child will always be the odd-man out

I actually have four children, and I can tell you that odd-man-out happened when I had two, and now that I have four, but not when I had three. If you have two, there are going to be many times when you, as a mother, want to (or need to) do something with just one of your children. Your other child is left out — assuming your spouse works outside the home and is away from the family for many waking hours.

With four, I have noticed that two will pair up if I am spending time with one child, but another child tends to be left out.

With three, I could spend time with one child, and the other two would pair up, or do their own thing.

I can’t think of one time this was a problem.

2. If you have three, the parents are outnumbered.

Obviously, this is true if you’re looking at this as a basic math equation. But let’s recall a few things. You and your spouse are bigger, stronger, smarter AND richer than your kids.

How much do you and your spouse weigh, combined? How much do your small children weigh, combined?

You have literally every advantage and they know that. If you’re afraid that three kids would overpower you and dominate your household for the rest of their youth, that’s a deeper issue.

I’m kind of kidding, but also not.

3. The world is made for families of four.

I have run into hotel and restaurant deals that do cater to families with two kids, i.e., learning on “Kids Eat Free” night that they cap it at two kids. But this has come up maybe three times. It’s not a major issue. Also, happy to report that I can still use one hotel room for my family of six without too much sleuthing or much of a difference in price. There’s no reason you can’t stay in a room with three kids, though I know it doesn’t sound like a ton of fun when you have a baby in the mix.

Why three is a magic number

Now I’ll share my insight about why three was a lot of fun, and I why I think those who desire another child should not be afraid!

I mean no offense to families with one or two children. I think those homes are delightful, too, and I sometimes wonder what I may be missing out on by having my attention divided. But for those who are broody but think three may be a disaster, I am here to tell you, it will not.

1. Three is a party

While two children may make for a more serene home, three children are more festive. There’s a quality that a sibling group takes on when it expands beyond a pair, a group mentality with more dimension. The personalities and the giggles collide, and it’s just a ton of fun to witness.

2. Three is manageable.

When my third child was a young baby, I definitely worked harder than I ever had and the days were long and grueling. But after a relatively short one or two years, routines were settled and I could handle the volume of work while also maintaining a regular exercise schedule and a part-time job. I was quite content and thought I was done having babies.

3. Siblings are everything

My one surviving sibling lives in Europe and though we touch base almost every day, I PINE for more brothers and sisters. Raising a family and not having siblings close by is one of the great sadnesses of my mostly-happy life. To think if I had just one more person to call, text, or hit the playground with, just makes me feel all the more grateful that I went for three, and then four kids.

Finally …

I know that family size isn’t a choice for everyone, but if you are blessed with the option, and you’re wondering if your life will turn to chaos if you take the triple plunge, please be assured, you won’t regret it. People used to have 6, 7, 8, or more children. The added stress and labor of three are well within the limits of the average interested mother. You got this!

Parenting methods are like sippy cups: all a little leaky

Someone told me early in the motherhood game that I should stop reading parenting books. And like any new mother, I didn’t listen to what a seasoned parent had to say and just kept on torturing myself with impossible parenting techniques from experts.

These days, I know better. When someone with more experience tries to tell you something about parenting, listen! (What a paradox, that humility only comes with experience.)

I’ve come to realize that though reading books by well-meaning, highly-educated child psychologists may be interesting, their application in my home is impractical, and therefore, it is a waste of time.

But moreover, parenting methods that receive hype and then fizzle are like this bag of sippy cups that I trashed in our move to a larger house nine months ago. They all seem to work at first, but after a few weeks, you begin to notice that every one sprouts its own leaks, one way or another.

It’s not a spill-proof cup when your 20-month-old chucks it into the kitchen floor, Barbara. There’s no air-tight seal to be found in a plastic cup from Walmart, and there’s no foolproof way to stop getting your child from calling you an idiot or touching strangers in the grocery store. Some kids are on the margins, and we all have one.

And yeah, you can remove your 3-year-old to keep the baby “safe” from his hitting, but can you do that 8x a day for several weeks? Maybe you could, but who WOULD?

The best thing to do is to make sure you’re putting the kids to bed on time, and then you do the same. Lower your expectations and wait for it all to pass. It’s all a phase. Every last thing.

If there is something I will not miss about the little years, it is these terrible sippy cups. I tried them all in hopes that we could get through a meal or a nap without apple juice dribble or milk splatter. Some were better than others, but nothing was perfect.

And that’s how parenting techniques are. Some methods have their strong points (such as reality discipline, IMO) but nothing will save you from any and all binds, sticking points, and maddening habits.

Is it me or is Instagram full people of who never yell at their kids and think you shouldn’t either?

UNFOLLOW.

Toss the books like I tossed these cups, use your common sense, and take a nap. Throw away your sippy cups that never work and let your kid drink from the garden hose.

Now there’s a method.

Raising a family in New England

Today I felt the need to share why I love raising my family in New England. This was prompted by a trip to the Pumpkin Patch on the town common near our house. Exhibit A:

I realize that I have never lived outside of New England but it’s just true that I’m essentially raising kids inside a postcard image. The natural surroundings, the Puritan downtown architecture just about everywhere you go. This is SO good for my mood many days.

I know I don’t have much to compare it to since I’ve spent 99 percent of my time here in life, but look:

Honestly, there are plenty of places that have fallen on hard times in the post-mill era in New England and I’ve lived around that. But even the old mill towns retain a lot of charm. And what can be done to quell the foliage, the crisp air that smells like pine trees, and the forest trails that are otherworldy when it snows?

Nothing!

New England may not be the most affordable place to raise a family, and the cost of housing in some parts is prohibitive. But if you’re savvy, there are plenty of places feasible for middle-class families to be found.

My husband and I considered moving down south at one point, for affordability and warmer weather, but our roots here were too deep. Since then, I’ve really grown to appreciate the climate, in spite of its extremes. But more so, I love that New England offers seemingly endless family vacation options that are within a few hours drive. This is especially helpful when you have new babies or toddlers who need to settle into bed early when you’re on the road. I also love that we don’t have to fly to have a good time, and as a family of six, that is VERY important. There are so many places in America, and the world, where you would have to drive for days to get to the ocean, if not fly. We can drive from the mountains to the ocean in three hours. I love that so much!